May 2013
2 posts
6 tags
Thank You, Mom
May 13, 2013Kim Blanck Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.
I got you this Thank You card because Trader Joe’s didn’t have any Mother’s Day cards. But Mother’s Day involves gratitude, so I thought it was still OK. And it has flowers on it. So here goes.
Mom, thank you for giving birth to me. I know that was thirteen hours of a lot of weird fluids, but I’m glad you did it and I hope you are too.
Mom, thank...
10 tags
McDonalds Employee Told He’s Too Gay. Drag Queen...
May 6, 2013Todd Dakotah Briscoe A McDonald’s in New Zealand has come under media scrutiny after an employee was told he was acting too gay and was asked not to “turn” customers gay.
Bitch, please. Do you see who’s been reppin’ your company?
Let’s break this shit down. McDonald’s has usually been associated with overweight Midwesterners, but let’s face facts. McDonald’s is gayer than Liza...
April 2013
10 posts
9 tags
New Yorkers Aren't Rude... They're Late
April 27, 2013Akilah Hughes - Guest Writer Imagine waking up before your alarm, getting ready, and leaving 5 minutes before the designated up and at’em time. You’ve got a spring in your step, you can stop for coffee before getting into work, and your boss won’t have any additional reasons to yell at you today.
Imagine, then, that you miss your first train by 10 seconds. This...
13 tags
A List of Some Things Most Men Will Never...
April 25, 2013
Stephanie Hsu
1. Periods
It’s cute, you know. Men try to understand. Boyfriends try to be empathetic to their sugar-honey-pies’ cramps and moodiness. But the fact of the matter is, men will never ever ever ever ever understand what this once-a-month internal bludgeoning of the body feels like. They will not understand why you are eating peanut butter straight from the jar. Cake...
7 tags
How To Find Your Center In These Trying Times
April 25, 2013Shaina Taub These have been some of the hardest weeks ever. As the days press on, one mantra has brought me solace:
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Earth Day Report : The Clean Water Supply Strikes...
April 23, 2013
Janani Sreenivasan - Guest Writer
At about 9:05PM last night, I walked into the second-floor bathroom in the Barnes and Noble on Court Street in Brooklyn and beheld an unattended faucet spraying hydrogen and oxygen into the sink.
It turned out to be intentional. The moment I cut the water off, a woman burst out of the stall furthest from the sink, gripping a wad of tissue, and...
19 tags
Fantastic Anti-Aging Secrets from Heather Locklear...
April 22, 2013Todd Dakotah BriscoeHeather Locklear recently told the distinguished beacon of journalism TMZ that the key to have young, vibrant skin is putting semen on her face.
Semen is rich in antioxidants and some spas, such as Townhouse Spa in NYC, offer sperm facials. This is most likely recommended by doctors. Most definitely these doctors are men. The same male scientists have come up...
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Drunk Confessions With Dom
April 18, 2013
Dominique Toney
Did you hear about the drunk Florida woman who was arrested for calling 911 because she was lonely?
Can I admit something? When I was a little girl, I would call 911 just to make sure the phones were working! I’d always hang up after the first ring, and one time they actually called back!! That definitely stopped me from calling again. Maybe I was just lonely...
7 tags
Things I Wish I Could Write Off On My Taxes
April 16, 2013Kim Blanck - That coffee I have to buy every morning before my 11am class. Honestly, if I don’t have that coffee, I will not make it through this class. Which I paid tuition for.
- That cocktail I have to drink alongside my noisy band of classmates at T.G.I. Friday’s. I work with them, so it’s a work-related outing, right? No, I don’t have any of the receipts. What, like...
14 tags
7 Ways To Make The Most Of Spring
April 9, 2013Andrew R. Butler This is it. Spring has begun. For those of us in New England, or at the very least, in New York City, we know what that means: Spring is almost over. The shortest and only remotely tolerable season of the year must be taken full advantage of. Here are some tips:
Under-dress. So maybe you end up cold a few evenings. You’ve been cold every evening for five...
17 tags
10 Reasons to Buy "Political Subversities: Live at...
April 8, 2013Todd Dakotah Briscoe Today marks the official release of the Political Subversities: Live at Joe’s Pub Album. You can purchase the album on iTunes, Amazon or Google Play. Just remember to rate us and leave a comment in the store!
Now, you’ve made it to this blog post presumably because you’re a fan of Political Subversities, or because I’ve “tagged” this blog post with “Jon Hamm...
21 tags
TWO NEW VIDEOS!
April 1, 2013Political Subversities The awesome folks at Comediva are presenting our big (yet short) new music video! CHECK IT OUT!
AND we filmed this behind-the-scenes PoliSub Talks with some advice from the company about what YOU should do with YOUR vagina!
Enjoy and share! Certainly you know SOMEONE with a vagina? We, in fact, know several.
March 2013
11 posts
13 tags
The Marriage Equality Symbol Goes On An Adventure
March 27, 2013
Janani Sreenivasan - Guest Writer
In addition to being a crucial day in American family law – the day California’s Proposition 8 went before the United States Supreme Court - March 26, 2013 was also one of the most extraordinary days ever recorded in the history of Western visual art.
The logo of the LGBT lobby Human Rights Campaign, or HRC,
awed by the prospect of marriage...
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Official PoliSub March Madness Bracket
March 26, 2013
Todd Dakotah Briscoe
I was asked to create a March Madness bracket for Political Subversities. Now, I’ve never done one before and I didn’t bother to google it so I’m just assuming it’s a fight to the death between between people who went crazy in March. So, here is Round One of Todd’s official March Madness bracket for PoliSub.
1) Justin Bieber vs. Miley Cyrus
They’ve...
12 tags
How Marco Rubio Is, In Fact, A Bigot
March 22, 2013David McGee - Guest WriterHi, it’s me, Political Subversities’s Marco Rubio correspondent. I really would move on to other topics (climate change, antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea, Splash on ABC) but he just keeps talking and guys, for real, I’ve said it here twice before, but he is just a grade-A clusterfuck of hateful idiocy and so, so proud of it it makes my head...
14 tags
And the Rich Just Keep Getting Richer
March 20, 2013
Stephanie Hsu
Forbes Magazine just released their annual update of the 10 richest people in the world. So, in case you were wondering… Here are some fun facts for you to chew on FOR FUNSIES, you know.
“This year, Forbes accounted for a record number of 1,426 billionaires.” Here is a list of things that I imagine that these 1,426 people have at their disposal.
A super...
23 tags
Damn, Elizabeth Warren, You Lookin’ GOOD! By Bill...
March 19, 2013Matthew Robert Gehring I see you Elizabeth Warren. Sitting there on Congress’ Health, Education, Labor and Pensions committee. Making your FINE ASS points that minimum wage hasn’t kept up with productivity since the 1960s. Mm. I love how you shake those numbers that it should be $22 an hour. Damn, girl, who knew that you’d got from TARP to Senator in four years flat? AND you’re...
7 tags
Two stolen paintings interview each other
“The Storm on the Sea of Galilee” (1633) is the only seascape painted by Rembrandt. “The Concert” (1664) is one of only 36 known paintings by Johannes Vermeer. Both were stolen 23 years ago today on March 18, 1990 from the Isabella Stewart Gardiner Museum.
They remain unfound and bored out of their minds. The following has been translated from the original Dutch.
THE STORM: Hey.
THE...
11 tags
A Letter from The Last Man on Myspace
March 13, 2013Briana James My dearest brethren and sisteren of the world wide cyber space, It is I, Farbuk, here to state my case in the fight for social justice, to ask, no no, implore you to turn your back on your wicked ways and return to the motherland. It is with great sorrow that I inform you of a recent discovery which prompted this petition. In the most unfortunate of ways, of which I...
10 tags
New PoliSub Talks Video: HUGO CHAVEZ IS DEAD
March 11, 2013Andrew R. Butler
10 tags
Man Gets Netflix Tattoo and Gets Free Netflix....
March 8, 2013
Todd Dakotah Briscoe
A man known to the world only as @TheRealMyron was recently given Netflix for 1 year after he tattooed “Netflix” on his body and tweeted at the company.
Some roll their eyes, saying that a year of Netflix isn’t worth a lifetime of a shitty tattoo, but I applaud Mr. RealMyron’s ingenuity and I would like to publicly announce that I will happily tattoo a lot of...
19 tags
Emma Will Live Forever (And You Can Too!)
March 4, 2013
Emma Tattenbaum-Fine
With all the plastic I’ve thrown away in my lifetime… all the Starbucks cups and styrofoam take out boxes and all the sewage I’ve created, and we are talking about a lot of sewage…. the thought of disgracing the planet yet again when I die, this time eternally, with my stank-ass varnished coffin, with a fucking pillow….covered in awkward make-up, old as balls,...
11 tags
How to Get the Flu and Not Die in NYC
March 3, 2013Akilah Hughes - Guest Writer With reports swirling that the flu vaccine was less effective than expected this year, there’s no better time to get the flu in NYC. You’re not gonna miss much since the sun no longer shines and the temperature rarely approaches 50 degrees, so why not enjoy a staycation with your cough syrup and humidifier? Here are the steps to take to get your flu on:
...
February 2013
21 posts
6 tags
Cunty Little 9 Year Old Oscar Nominees
February 25, 2013
Dominique Toney
Ah, to be a 9 year old little girl. Your biggest worry in life is whether your Mom will let you get a Happy Meal after school. Or if you can go to that sleepover on Friday night. Or what color to paint your nails. Or whether you should dot your i’s with hearts or stars.
Well, for Quvenzhané Wallis, she has bigger fish to fry. Like what type of puppy purse to...
13 tags
Why Does Anyone Live In NYC?
February 24, 2013Stephanie Hsu
Everything smells
Like chicken feet
Or cigarette butts
Or cigarette vaginas
Yeah,
I said it.
Vaginas.
It smells like shit outside
And I don’t care if this is Bushwick
IT’S NOT AN EXCUSE.
I did not move to New York City
To be broke
And living in a stink womb.
I did not move to New York City
For this:
February is hard
February is lonely
Even if...
21 tags
Under the Gun: A Leaked RNC Memo
February 23, 2013Jerry Polner - Guest Writer REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE
CONFIDENTIAL MEMO
(So if you’re Elizabeth Frigging Warren, stop reading this right now)
To: Reince From: Ted RE: Background Checks My Aunt Fanny
Well this blows. We’re totally winning on the second amendment, but we’re getting our dick handed to us on background...
23 tags
Um, I guess I’m supposed to write about Lena...
February 22, 2013
Todd Dakotah Briscoe
This past week has seen online articles about Lena Dunham in NY Magazine’s Vulture, Slate, Atlantic Wire, Gawker, Jezebel as well as print articles in Rolling Stone and Entertainment Weekly. Now, these are just with blogs I actually read. I’m sure there have been others.
So I guess… I’m supposed to write about Lena Dunham now? It seems that if you want...
16 tags
Wow, Maybe Rubio Really ISN'T a Scientist?
February 20, 2013
David McGee - Guest Writer
A couple of weeks ago I had the honor and privilege of making fun of Marco Rubio for not being a scientist, man. Well, for that and for being either intellectually dishonest or a fucking moron, but HEY, maybe GQ just misquoted him? Thankfully Rubio’s response to the State of the Union came through totally unmediated by any so-called “journalists” who...
15 tags
Presidents Day: Remembering, Honoring, Napping...
February 18, 2013
Kim Blanck
Today is Presidents Day.
On this day, we remember George Washington – the first President of the United States, the Senior Officer of the Army, the Commander-in-Chief of the Continental Army, the Delegate to the Second Continental Congress from Virginia, and the Delegate to the First Continental Congress from Virginia – by sleeping in until 11:46 A.M. and going to...
15 tags
Who Should Be The Next Pope? (video)
February 17, 2013Political Subversities
Like this? Subscribe to our YouTube Channel HERE.
15 tags
LL Cool J in Role of A Lifetime
February 16, 2013
Dominique Toney
Good News LL Cool J!
You may suck at hosting awards shows, but you’ve probably got a really big job coming up because, I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but there was this cop who was fired and had a vendetta against his old job so he wrote a really long angry letter and then rampaged across the Greater Los Angeles area shooting people, then hid in a Cabin in Big...
18 tags
Things The Pope Seems Likely To Do In Retirement
February 15, 2013Andrew R. Butler Benedict XVI is only the third pope to ever resign from the position, so there isn’t much precedent for post-pope behavior. Here’s what we think he’ll be up to now that he doesn’t have to wory about all that poping around.
Become the shadow pope! (All the power, none of the annoying speaking engagements.)
Look into Wicca
Just literally...
12 tags
10 Things Not to Ask Black People in Black History...
February 13, 2013Akilah Hughes - Guest Writer
Habari Gani! If you didn’t know that the correct response to that exclamation is “Umoja!” then you’re in for a treat: It’s Black History Month again! Just when you thought Kwanzaa and MLK Day were enough, we’re bringing you a full 28 days of melanin. Not only will we be sharing all kinds of wondrous Black info, but we’re also providing you...
19 tags
InfoGraphic: What Will Be Talked About At State of...
February 12, 2013Matthew Robert Gehring
…
Check out the state of Political Subversities romantic union(s) in this week’s PoliSub Talks video about Valentine’s Day! CLICK HERE to watch!
14 tags
Emma Insults Parisians in Paris (a Postcard)
February 11, 2013Emma Tattenbaum-Fine
17 tags
PoliSub Talks Valentine's Day (video)
February 10, 2013Political Subversities Each of the PoliSub crew weighs in on Valentine’s day in this one-minute mash-up of our rants, raves and misunderstandings.
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Cyndi on NYC "Blizzards"
February 10, 2013Cyndi Perczek Strange things about NYC blizzards:
I get an emergency weather warning for what seems like a normal, ACTUAL, day of winter.
My neighbors look like they’ve never EVER shoveled snow before. They keep poking at it with helpless faces.
NYC fresh powdered snow tastes like the engine of a car.
Entire institutions are shut down today because apparently walking through...
24 tags
Pixar Buys Rights to Winter Storm
February 9, 2013Shaina TaubDisney’s Pixar Studios has blazed a new trail for film studio branding by succeeding in securing the rights to this weekend’s winter storm, naming it after their beloved clown-fish underdog, Nemo.
It’s been since reported that Dreamworks has already optioned the rights to the Weather Channel’s next two storm warnings this season, to be named...
18 tags
What's Wrong With Keeping Someone Locked in Your...
February 8, 2013Todd Dakotah Briscoe The liberal media has recently launched a full on assault on normal Americans like you and me: Americans who just want the right to keep other Americans locked in their basement.
In Midland, Alabama a 5-year-old boy named Ethan was stolen from the possession of 65-year-old Jim Lee Dykes who was keeping Ethan safe (on his private property!) in a bunker for a...
13 tags
Obama Decides He Can Kill Anyone Anytime Pretty...
February 7, 2013
David McGee - Guest Writer
Remember that time back in 2002 when George W. Bush claimed the right to murder Americans if he thought they might be bad guys? OH WAIT that was yesterday and it was Barack Obama.
Taking advantage of the little known “LOL J/K ABOUT ALL THIS” section of the Constitution, Obama and his Justice Department (ironic! actually! not like in the Alanis way!)...
14 tags
Super Bowl Blackout Revenge Plot Revealed
February 7, 2013Briana James After days of investigative investigating by PoliSub’s Investigative Investigations Team, we finally got answers about the Super Bowl blackout. One of the many wardrobe assistants for the Super Bowl, who has chosen to identify herself as Shirley, gave us the inside scoop on the power outage. See below. “So I was like backstage and everyone was there and I was...
12 tags
How to Win at Instagram
February 6, 2013Kim BlanckFeeling stuck in the same old filter over and over again (Nashville)? Bored by your own content (cat)? Concerned by your feeble number followers on Instagram (your roommate who’s never home; three girls who’ve seen you naked)? I’ve got a few Instagram tips for you, the creatively stunted ‘grammer.
One thing at a time. Pictures of solo things...
13 tags
Preston Seeks Connection With Beyoncé on...
February 5, 2013Preston Martin
…
If you know someone who should answer this ad, please direct them to the original posting here. And if you want to hear more from PoliSub about the SuperBowl check out our new video here.
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Political Subversities talks Super Bowl (video)
February 3, 2013Political Subversities
13 tags
Emma Embarrasses America While Abroad
January 31, 2013Emma Tattenbaum-Fine
January 2013
19 posts
5 tags
The NRA Takes On Critics
January 30, 2013
Matthew Robert Gehring
24 tags
Why General Tim Allen Should Not Be Allowed to...
January 29, 2013Andrew R. Butler I read today that the White House is going to go ahead with the nomination of Gen. Allen as Europe’s NATO commander since the Pentagon cleared him of any misconduct in the General Petraeus scandal. Honestly, I had forgotten that Allen existed. I don’t have cable at the moment so I haven’t seen a rerun of Home Improvement in ages, nor the nightly...
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Announcing (Inter)National MTA Bus Driver...
January 26, 2013Stephanie HsuLadies
Gentlemen
Gaydies, Roughmen
Pets & etceteras:
With the power invested in me and as witnessed by New York City, I hereby declare today and everyday from here on forth, “(Inter)National MTA Bus Driver Appreciation Day”.
Here is why:
1. MTA Bus Drivers Rock.
I don’t know if you know this, but most MTA Bus Drivers are bad ass. They have...
12 tags
An Op-Ed Piece on the Weather from Todd
January 25, 2013Todd Dakotah Briscoe
WHAT IS THIS? 19 DEGREES OUTSIDE? Are you kidding me? How is that possible? What is this? January?
Oh? It is January?
I mean, it’s absurd. I had to put on LONG underwear this morning. It’s like I’m wearing two pairs of pants. If God wanted us to wear two pairs of pants, he would have given us two pairs of pants!
And three times this week I have...
15 tags
A Nearly Exhaustive List of Commentary You’ll Hear...
January 24, 2013
Akilah Hughes - Guest Writer
America has made a huge leap towards realizing equality by giving women the option of fighting on the front lines of our military. While many rational people can see why this might be just fine, here’s what you can expect from those who hate everything progressive or different from 1899:
This is Obama’s Fault!: Stop expecting a follow up to this...
