March 2012
22 posts
7 tags
Kim's Mom Urges Her to Eat Healthy
March 30, 2012
Kim Blanck
Hi, Kimberly. It’s your mom.
How’s going? Having good day? Is it hot in New York? It’s starting to get hot over here. But, good news! My tomato are starting to grow in my backyard! They are very small and green, but growing a little each day. I love tomato.
You know, I call you because I just read article on CNN.com. You have to eat healthy. CNN.com says that most...
20 tags
"Mirror, Mirror, Why am I in this movie?"
March 28, 2012
Have you ever felt a sadness that goes beyond the doldrums? A kind of empathy for—the sadness of not just yourself—but many people? Well, the Germans have a word for that. “Weltschmerz”, it means “world pain”. And it’s what I feel when I see the trailer for that heinously stupid Julia Roberts film, “Mirror, Mirror”.
What is Julia Roberts doing in this movie? What accent...
15 tags
Execution Rate Pep Talk
March 27, 2012
Andrew Butler
Amnesty International just released their yearly country-by-country report on government executions and after reading it, quite frankly, I am disgusted to be an American.
On the list of countries that execute the largest number of their citizens, we’re in 5th place. FIFTH. We should be number ONE. You know what color medal the person in fifth place gets? A failure...
1 tag
Ethnic Things
March 26, 2012
Dominique Toney
Trayvon Martin.
The Hunger Games.
What the hell do these two things have in common? Well, they showed us that no matter how far we’ve come along in this dang country with RACE, things are really no more different than they were just a few decades ago.
People in the United States are still afraid of the color black and brown. Remember when Oprah couldn’t...
13 tags
Wisconsinites Avoiding the Gaze of Awkward Group...
March 25, 2012
Matthew Robert Gehring
Green Bay, WI. According to the Facebook event all 5.7 million Wisconsinites joined, their “Wisconsin Night Out” was spent trying to avoid the four men who have been creepily watching them all evening. ”I didn’t come out for this,” local resident, Michael Tomwalther texted from his iPhone, “I just wanted to have fun with the people of my state for once,...
1 tag
A Brainstorm to Redeem the First Lady of Syria
March 24, 2012
Shaina Taub
The First Lady of Syria, the glamorous, British-born Asma al Assad, has been under intense scrutiny in the news this week for leaked emails revealing her excessive lifestyle and blasé stance on the grotesque human rights violations unfolding in her nation, not to mention building international resentment of her standing idly by as her hubby’s regime massacres its...
19 tags
If Todd Ran the News
March 23, 2012Todd Dakotah Briscoe The latest news in the Trayvon Martin case is that a drug lab was run on his body, while his shooter remains untested for any alcohol in his system.
It’s all just depressing. A few weeks ago I found myself sitting in my living room watching ABC News and I burst into tears: school shootings, crimes against humanity in Syria, Santorum’s hate speech against gays,...
8 tags
Things That Make Black People Look Suspicious
March 21, 2012
nicHi douglas
As information surfaces on the murder of yet another innocent black man—this one barely a man (17-year-old Trayvon Martin)—I feel it is necessary to inform all of our Black readers of the reasons we find ourselves getting murdered in droves. We very simply must stop doing the things that trigger White people’s warranted, non-discriminatory fears. I’ve compiled an...
2 tags
in case you forgot...
March 19, 2012
BGOODMAN
this guy is STILL in the race to become President of the United States of America!
and in case HE forgot—-i STILL don’t give a rat’s ass!!!
15 tags
A Revelation in India... About America
March 18, 2012Emma Tattenbaum-Fine
I recently went to India and… wouldn’t ya know… they have different news there?! I thought I was going to open the Indian newspaper and it would be all of our news but in Hindi. Well, this just isn’t so. The Indian newspaper is full of news all about India.
Elections: they have their own. Weather: they have it too, only hotter, and movie stars— But...
10 tags
Two Fun, Easy, Not-Angry-At-All Ideas for NYPD...
March 18, 2012
David McGee - Guest Writer
Dear Ray Kelly, NYPD Commissioner,
Hi. You probably don’t know me. Let me tell you about myself: I’m 5’11”. I really enjoy frozen yogurt. I sometimes go outside in support of an inclusive economy and then your police officers threaten to arrest me for crimes as eeeeeeeevil as “dancing in the street” and “having a stack of books for people to borrow”...
3 tags
Let's all take a note from Rihanna
March 16, 2012Kim Blanck Rihanna has spoken out about the collaboration between herself and Chris Brown, the criminal ex-boyfriend hip-hop sensation that pummeled her face took things too far she altercated with years ago.
“I reached out to him about doing ‘Birthday Cake,’ because that’s the only person that really…it made sense to do the record,” Rihanna said on the Ryan...
1 tag
We all feel down when someone is doing great. And...
16 tags
Every Boner is a Baby
March 13, 2012
Andrew Butler
I’ve been following the debate about women’s reproductive “rights,” and the conservative fight for our great nation to take seriously the evils of birth control. After very little deliberation, I’m convinced. Birth control (or as I now call it, baby-melting) is little more than murder. If you’re wasting potential egg/sperm combos you may as well be running around...
10 tags
A Very Private Letter to Rush Limbaugh
March 12, 2012David McGee - Guest Writer OH HAI RUSH
Sorry about all this kerfuffle. I realize you must be pretty confused about what happened, so I wanted to offer some friendly advice to help you avoid things like this in the future. Here we go:
Hey shit-for-brains! The fact that no women will have sex with you isn’t evidence of sex being immoral, it’s evidence of you being a...
6 tags
Brunch: An Apocalyptic Portrait
March 11, 2012Kim Blanck Ah. Brunch.
Brunch, that mid-morning compilation of sweet and savory breakfast foods to be enjoyed with a smattering of hot and cold beverages, such as coffee, tea, freshly squeezed juice and in some countries, even smoothies. Perhaps you enjoy brunch on the weekend, after you’ve woken from a divine sleep. As you wait for the coffee to brew, you stretch your...
9 tags
Todd Recaps the News With Reality Star GIFs
March 9, 2012Todd Dakotah Briscoe NOTE: Wait til the page fully loads before reading.
Have you watched the news this week? I didn’t, but I did catch Dance Moms, Real Housewives and RuPaul’s Drag Race… so… I don’t think I should be giving my opinion on the news this week as my brain has become this:
So while I will not be commenting on the news this week, some of my favorite reality stars...
12 tags
Are You There God? It's Me, Rick Santorum
March 8, 2012
nicHi douglas
Dear Lord,
Hi, it’s me, Rick. Rick Santorum. Lord, I am praying for some answers. I’ve been struggling lately and I really need an explanation. How is it possible that Catholic voters don’t like me? I’m Catholic! I’ve put my religion at the forefront of my campaign! What’s the big idea here? Jesus! … is your son and a wonderful man. Look, Lord, tell me what I...
7 tags
#headlineplaylists: A More Realistic Soundtrack...
March 7, 2012
Shaina Taub
The country and news media are up in arms about conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh’s inflammatory comments towards Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown law student who spoke up on behalf of insurance coverage for birth control, calling her a ‘slut’ and a ‘prostitute’. Among other backlash, the musical soundtrack of Rush’s show has suffered considerably, with major recording...
3 tags
tacky shit black people do that set the black race...
March 5, 2012
BGOODMAN
Hey Everybody!
Latrell Lavene Lebron Lucious Lacross Latavier Lactaid Jackson writing! Let a bitch catch you up!
In Tulsa, Herman Cain proudly endorsed Newt The Kiebler Elf Gingrich by singing “America The Beautiful”. The same Newt that said Young children who are poor ought to learn how to go to work…Some of them frankly, could be janitorial…what if they cleaned out...
13 tags
Rick Santorum Drops Catholic Faith After Watching...
March 2, 2012
Matthew Robert Gehring
In a surprising turn of events, Rick Santorum, the Republican “Romney Alternative” for his hard-held social conservative views, dropped his Catholic Faith after watching the 1999 Kevin Smith film, Dogma. The film follows a disenchanted Catholic who finds herself against two renegade angels set to destroy the world through a loophole in Catholic dogma, or as...
4 tags
Ismael Speaks Spanish
March 2, 2012Ismael Cruz Cordova
