June 9, 2012

Kim Blanck

Ahhh, bath salts.

Those delightful, fragrant, fizzy water-soluble products that one may add to a bath. Though the term “bath salts” might connote peace and relaxation to you and me, the same term is also nickname for a recreational drug that contains—-and I encourage you to say this five times fast—-methylenedioxypryovalerone. Apparently, the latter form of “bath salts” has been blamed for a series of recent zombie-like, cannibalistic attacks, including a supposed drug user chomping off 80% of a homeless man’s face in Miami.

Ahhh, bath salts. 

I’ve compiled a list of other products you might find in your house that could pass for some GREAT drug names. Drug lords, take note.

• Bath salts
• Leave-in conditioner
• Antiperspirant
• Q-tips
• Wrinkle cream
• That plug at the bottom of your tub that stops the drain
• Cream bleach for that hair on your upper lip
• That hair on your upper lip
• Nose hair
• Unibrow hair
• Tweezerman
• DVD copy of “She’s the Man”
• Blu-Ray
• Blu Cantrell
• Z100 - New York’s Hit Music Station
•  The Station Agent, starring Peter Dinklage
• Or am I thinking of The Last Station, starring Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer?
• Oscars
• Snubs
• Slugs
• Tubs
• Bath salts 

Wow. After that list, I think I’m just about ready for a party. Someone bring The Last Station. I’ll bring the riesling.