July 17, 2012

Andrew Butler

I just read about this thing called “weed dating” that is happening in some places in the US. Not that kind of weed. It’s essentially speed dating but instead of happening in, like, a room, or wherever awkward things normally happen, people have a series of short interactions while pulling weeds on a farm. 

THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER. Not for the people pulling weeds. I’m sure they’re happy or whatever. They’ve already dated all the cute people at work and will do what it takes to connect with another human being. It’s THE BEST IDEA EVER for the farmers who had it. It seems so obvious now: People who are 

A.) lonely and 

B.) out of easy options

will do WHATEVER YOU WANT THEM TO if it means they might not have to sleep alone anymore. 

Only problem is, I don’t have a farm, so I can’t really use the base model. Fortunately, the concept has many applications!

My new dating company that gives YOU the once in a lifetime opportunity to meet other singles while avoiding the awkward stodginess of normal speed dating. Try out some of my match-making speed dating alternatives and finally find happiness!

Dishes Dating - Meet other singles who don’t mind getting their hands wrinkly and find true love over a sink filled with my roommates’ unwashed dishes! That warm feeling isn’t just the hot water!

Feed Dating - Spoons are SO HEAVY. Meet other singles with a nurturing nature as you form a special bond and get to know each other taking turns hand feeding me!

Laundry Dating - Meet other singles who enjoy the simple things in life as you wash and fold the laundry of people who are paying me to get you to pay me to wash and fold their laundry. It’s a win-win-win! 

Sandwich Dating - I can eat a lot of sandwiches. And there are a LOT of singles who have a passion for making sandwiches, just like you! Get to know them as you take turns pairing up to make me sandwiches! 

Chauffeur Dating - What better way to get to know someone than by taking a romantic drive! To the location of my next rehearsal, or the class I teach in red hook. It takes forever to get there by public transit. (only singles with cars should apply)

Ikea Dating - Meet new people as you and a group of like-minded singles take a trip to Ikea to find me the perfect bed side table! Like a little one, preferably a navy blue sort of color. The ferry is so romantic!

Read Dating - Share my favorite bed time stories aloud with other singles who know how to read and have really soothing voices. It’ll put me to sleep, but it might just keep you up all night. 

So if you’re really serious about finding a serious relationship, or just having some “fun” while “meeting” new people, let me know which event you would like to attend in the comments section below. Don’t forget to include your contact info and any special skills that could make my life easier. Thanks!