July 21, 2012

Matthew Robert Gehring

1) Save Victim at Knifepoint from Joker OR Stop Big Gulps

At the same time, the Joker is holding up a helpless female victim, and Todd Briscoe is drinking a Big Gulp, recently banned by Mayor Bloomberg as part of a healthy NYC initiative.  BATMAN’S DECISION:  Take out the Big Gulp.

2) Prevent Two-Face from shooting NYPD Officer OR Stop Smoker in Central Park

Two-Face has NYC Police Chief Raymond Kelly in his grasp, but Kim Blanck is smoking a cigarette in a public park, illegal by decree of Mayor Bloomberg. BATMAN’S DECISION:  Tackle Kim Blanck and give lengthy lecture on smoking and its effect on vocal health.

 3) Use BatCar To Catch Cat Woman OR Use BatCar to Tow Car to NJ Because It Didn’t Follow “Opposite Side of the Street Parking”

Cat Woman is speeding away on a motorcycle after a jewel robbery, but Matt Vinson parked his car on the West side of 6^th Avenue, even though a tiny sign says not to do that on Thursday afternoon between 4pm and 5:30pm. BATMAN’S DECISION:  Tow Matt Vinson’s car to NJ like an unreasonable dick.

 4) Stop Ra’s Al Ghul and the League of Assassins OR Stop Occupy Wall Street

Ra’s Al Ghul’s League of Assassins is planning a take over in New York City and eventually the United States through political assassinations, but Occupy Wall Street is peacefully protesting in a public space. BATMAN’S DECISION:  join occupy Wall Street as Batman, have them removed from Union Square as Bruce Wayne.

5) Fix Corruption Led by The Penguin OR Fix the MTA

The Penguin’s at it again, using his thugs and brutes to take over Manhattan’s Downtown, but the MTA “Fast Track” program suuuuuuuucks. BATMAN’S DECISION:  Privately buy the MTA and place Morgan Freeman as head.  Didn’t you get the memo?

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