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Chinese Workers Riot After Realizing Everyone Else Having More Fun

The Chinese workers that make your Apple products have started rioting. The factory workers of Taiyuan, China finally looked at the phones they were making, pressed “on”,  got some wifi, and found out the Big Secret… that EVERYONE is having more fun than they are.

It’s been a long held belief by the workers of the Han Hoi Precision Industry’s Taiyuan-based factory, which employs 79,000 Chinese twenty-somethings, that all the people the world over were having an equally miserable time, but it turns out NOT to be so.  It was just them… all along.

The attitude was always—meh—another day, another 12 hours of gluing silicon to another piece of silicon, but horizons are broadening. 

It all began with a dormitory dispute.  One worker said, hey, this sucks: being away from my family, getting paid almost nothing and having zero fun EVER.  And he was so mad that he drunkenly pushed another guy and that guy realized his life sucked, too and that’s how the riots began.  A bunch of young Chinese people realized that the people inside their phones were having more fun than they were AND getting paid more to have it.  Also, guards were beating them as they realized this and that intensified the epiphany. 

The Chinese workers have caught on.  

The party’s over.  Get ready to pay more for your stuff.  And if you don’t like it, glue your own silicon to another piece of silicon, ‘cause it’s no fun and no one wants to do it for you.

So while you’re “rioting” over your iPhone 5, know that you’re in good company.