- That coffee I have to buy every morning before my 11am class. Honestly, if I don’t have that coffee, I will not make it through this class. Which I paid tuition for.
- That cocktail I have to drink alongside my noisy band of classmates at T.G.I. Friday’s. I work with them, so it’s a work-related outing, right? No, I don’t have any of the receipts. What, like people save receipts?
- All the hours I spend catching up on Smash and Nashville on Hulu. That’s a whole 120 minutes a week, and that includes commercials, so you get what I’m saying.
- The total prices of all the lip balms I have stored in each of my pants, purses, drawers and backpacks. You know that without lip balm, nobody can pay attention in class. Which I paid tuition for.
- Ditto these cough drops. It’s certainly not my fault I got bronchitis.
- Having a little sister. It’s the little one’s 16th birthday in two weeks, and I have to get her something big and awesome and I’ll probably have to pay to ship it. Come on, remember when you turned 16?
- That $65 Angels by Victoria’s Secret Dream Angels Multi-Way bra. What, am I supposed to just be uncomfortable all day? I’m a Dream Angel.
- This scone. It was THREE DOLLARS. I pay tuition, you know.
- This ring? How much can I get for it?
- I’ve got this hangnail.
- Do you have an iPhone charger?
- Okay, but seriously: can you at least not charge me for filing my state taxes? At $40 per state, this annual something-that-I-have-to-do is getting pricey. I’m the last person to have to cough up those fees, because I’m paying tuition. And I just bought a really expensive scone.
See Political Subversities live in NYC Saturdays in April at the PIT! Click here for more info. And maybe Kim should re-watch this song of Andrew’s: