Articles tagged "david mcgee"
Remember that time back in 2002 when George W. Bush claimed the right to murder Americans if he thought they might be bad guys? OH WAIT that was yesterday and it was Barack Obama.
New ball ok cold outside. Outside and run at ball to get ball. See squirrel. Bark at squirrel. Run and bark. Inside bed and warm. Quiet and bed and no running. One loud sky. Bark at loud and scared. Food a lot but want more some. Snuggle warm. Warm outside and sun. Get ball. See dog. Friend? Good friend. Other big dog bad. Not friend but some friends and chase and bark. Take ball and run. New smell by tree and find stick. Bite stick. Hide stick. Remember stick? Smell friend and run but no. Find food. Go away and stop and food to run. Sky flash loud banging and bad. Hide from loud bad. Get treat and snuggles. Hot and run and pant and friends and squirrels to barking. Find stick and take it. Friend? Friend? Leaves and running. Smell new smell and find it. Eat it but bad. Bad smell ok and run more and roll and stuff. Loud wind and barking inside but ok. Find food and get food and snuggles. Outside cold. Old ball and running get ball. Get treats and good dog. Good dog and good. Friend?
During the interview, Rubio was asked how old he thinks the Earth is. And his response began with:
Cross your fingers. Let’s see how he actually finished up:
”I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that’s a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow. I’m not a scientist. I don’t think I’m qualified to answer a question like that. At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all. I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says. Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to answer that. It’s one of the great mysteries.”
There’s so much crazily wrong with this I don’t even know where to start.
More importantly, acknowledging the age of the universe actually has an imperial fuck-ton to do with the GDP and our economic policies, because believing that evidence is important in evaluating solutions is a sign that our political philosophy is going to be based on reason and not on playing pretend. It’s a sign that when all (ALL!) of the available evidence says that cutting taxes on the wealthy does not lead to greater prosperity, we’ll go “Huh, guess THAT doesn’t work” and try something else, instead of saying “Guess it’s a debate amongst economists” and punting the ball while actual people suffer. It’s a sign that when faced with consumption that far outpaces the scarce resources available to us, we’ll search for new ways of being, rather than hoping everything’ll just shake out in the end. It’s a sign that when someone suggests that our economy can just keep on growing forever and ever amen, we’ll evaluate the likelihood of that being true (hint: none) and adjust accordingly. Sheesh.
Finally, nobody — really, nobody at all, anywhere — thinks the earth was created in “7 actual eras”. It was clearly created in 9 Semi-Actual Eons. Duh. Come on, Marco: TEACH THE DEBATE.
I was at the bar the other night sitting next to a college admissions officer. Because I am me I was like “OH WORD? What are the essay prompts?” One of them was something like “Tell us what you hope to experience in college” and because I am me I switched from the banana bread beer I was drinking to the one that tastes like cherries and said GIVE ME TEN MINUTES. We set a timer. And this is what I wrote.
I know it’s my job as a writer to explain to you why it’s so bad, but it’s literally beyond words. It’s something out of fucking Lovecraft. It feels like a viral ad for the voluntary human extinction movement. It’s aired by the Walt Disney Corporation, which spent your entire childhood telling you how magical and romantic life was going to be, and is now gamely attempting to obliterate your grown-up soul.
You know what we don’t talk about enough here at PoliSub? FOOD POLICY.
A) Yeah, delicious frostbite.
Hi. You probably don’t know me. Let me tell you about myself: I’m 5’11”. I really enjoy frozen yogurt. I sometimes go outside in support of an inclusive economy and then your police officers threaten to arrest me for crimes as eeeeeeeevil as “dancing in the street” and “having a stack of books for people to borrow” and “noticing how fucked up everything is and actually caring about it.” Release the hounds, right? So far, I’ve managed to avoid getting clubbed, punched, sprayed with toxic chemicals, having my head shoved against anything, being handcuffed for no reason, being left on the street seizing without anybody untying me, beaten bloody, or any of that really awesome stuff you guys are getting to be sooooo good at.
Hey speaking of “blank” and “fine”, you know Lloyd Blankfein? (listen, I’m a professional writer; these are the kind of segues you gotta watch out for). He’s the guy who runs Goldman Sachs. And since you and I are both fully in support of arresting people, I was wondering: would you please go arrest that miserable asshole? You know that he illegally accepted naked short sales in the wake of the Lehman Brothers collapse, enriching himself and his company while the world economy was crumbling? You know that he underwrote bonds and then went and illegally encouraged other customers to bet against those bonds? You know that he helped Greece hide the true nature of its debt in order to keep making money from them, helping the European economy and therefore likely the world economy to the precipice of collapse? You know that he “failed to disclose to investors vital information about the CDO, known as ABACUS 2007-AC1, particularly the role that hedge fund Paulson & Co. Inc. played in the portfolio selection process and the fact that Paulson had taken a short position against the CDO?” OH MAN that sounds complicated. I bet it must have been really bad, right? But what are we supposed to do about it if we don’t even know what it MEANS?
Idea 1: I will convince Lloyd Blankfein to come down and dance in the street. We all know how illegal THAT is. I’ll see him on the sidewalk sometime (we run into each other a lot, because we eat at the same restaurants (Taco Bell)) and be like HEY LLOYD. I FORGET WHAT THE MACARENA LOOKS LIKE. HELP A BUDDY OUT? And then BOOM you can send in the commandos with their machine guns and their Star Wars helmets to lock him up. And then when people are like “You can’t arrest him! He’s a rich white man!” you can be like “HE WAS DANCING IN THE STREET. WHAT ABOUT THIS DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?” and then you can arrest all of THOSE people too for having the temerity to question you!
I’ve already chosen my reward. Keep arresting us. But just tell me how many more arrests it’s going to take before you start to actually do your goddamn job.
OH HAI RUSH