America has made a huge leap towards realizing equality by giving women the option of fighting on the front lines of our military. While many rational people can see why this might be just fine, here’s what you can expect from those who hate everything progressive or different from 1899:
This is Obama’s Fault!: Stop expecting a follow up to this comment. It is never followed up and is applicable to anything from Fiscal Cliffs to losing a parking space.
Imagine It’s Your Wife/Daughter/Cousin/Girlfriend: Yeah, it’s pretty difficult to imagine—almost as hard to imagine as if it were your Husband/Son/Cousin/Boyfriend! But seriously, watch an episode of Army Wives and then get back to me. Last time I checked, war was unfortunate no matter who was fighting it.
We’re gonna lose all the wars!: Women are tiny! They’re almost smaller than children! Why would you ever punish such delicate creatures by giving them the option to fight?! They can’t win! That’s right, regardless of their own physical abilities, or the fact that Hillary was a very successful Secretary of State, apparently letting women participate in combat means those high powered video game assault weapons are being replaced with Nerf™ guns. Gotta read that fine print better…
Women be emotional be!!!: Women don’t have the discerning capabilities that men do—especially during that time of the month!! What if she runs out of Motrin™? She’s likely to go full Rambo and just kill everybody that stands between her and a chocolate bar or the latest episode ofScandal!
Economy!!: At this point, the lift on the female combat ban will cause opponents to lose their ability to finish sentences. You can assume this means that this new legislation will cost more money—But employing people helps the economy…right? So I’m not sure where they’re going with this, but you’ll hear it.
Make Me a Sandwich LOL!11!!!1: You stumbled onto Reddit and 4Chan again, didn’t you?
If you hear any, feel free to comment with additional mouth-breathing retorts below!
Akilah is a 23-year old hot mess studying improv at UCB. She’s sometimes a Barack Obama Tribute Band and other times a blogger at Its Akilah, Obviously , vlogger at Smoothiefreak , and @kiwirabbitfru on Twitter!