Articles tagged "election"
YOU GUYS. Voting is the MOST IMPORTANT. I made this video about HOW IMPORTANT voting is. nicHi interrupted me before I was able to finish it, but I got most of it in there. Please watch this and share it with all of your friends so that they know how important voting is too.
And then, after you vote, come to The PIT (123 East 24th St) to hang out with Political Subversities as we host an evening’s worth of comedy, music, storytelling and election coverage! It starts at 7pm and it’s just $5 for the whole night!
The Obama campaign recently released its latest attack ad, featuring Mitt Romney painfully warbling “America the Beautiful”, as factoids about his holding of offshore accounts and outsourcing jobs overseas are flashed on the screen.
I know it seems like Obama was trying to diss Romney’s personal wealth – his alleged millions of dollars hidden in Swiss bank accounts and tax havens in the Cayman Islands. Sure, it appears as though Obama’s main jab with this attack ad is to challenge Romney to give out more information about his own finances by releasing his tax returns, and prove that he’s too fiscally shady to be an apt POTUS.
But we all know what’s really going on.
OBAMA IS CHALLENGING ROMNEY TO A SING-OFF.
Just listen to Mitt suffer through a relatively simple melody such as ‘America the Beautiful’. His rhythmic flubbing of the iconic first line, his lackadaisical phrasing on key heightening lyric – ‘above the fruited plain’. And worst of all, he is almost a HALF-NOTE FLAT on the triumphant refrain, ‘A-MERRR-ica, America.’ I mean, policy aside, can we really have a prez with such inexcusable intonation?
As we all know, Obama is a consummate vocalist.
His natural vibrato, soulful delivery, lilting tenor and MASTERFUL up-riff on ‘i-in lo-ove with you’ and tonal grace are CLEAR indicators of his ability to lead the free world. How smart of him to drive home the DIRECT connection between vocal prowess and leadership ability with an attack ad featuring Romney’s pitiful crooning.
History proves this point…
Bill Clinton – EXCELLENT musician, excellent president:
George W. Bush – WEAK singer, WEAK president:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VNIw1hDNVE (This is so embarassing for America that embedding the video has been disabled)
As the race speeds up this fall, I look forward to the presidential sing-off heating up as well.
With Steven Tyler leaving his spot as a judge, American Idol’s ratings would sky-rocket if they hosted a presidential vocal debate! (You’re welcome for that idea, Ryan Seacrest.)
All I’m saying is they each better choose veeps who know how to harmonize in thirds.
After all, if we’re pitchy, then the terrorists win.
If you didn’t think there were enough reasons not to vote for Romney here’s yet another: HIS WIFE SPENDS AN UNECESSARY AMOUNT OF MONEY ON HORSES. What is this spending for, you ask? To keep up her passion for dressage. Dressage is what someone people call “horse ballet” or as I like to call it “people making horses do things they NEVER wanted to do.”
Ann says, “ I’d sit on a horse and forget I was even sick.” First of all, how is that? Second of all, why is it that when I sit on horses I cry and hope it doesn’t Christopher Reeve me? That’s not fair.
She also claims not to be wealthy which I agree with because who doesn’t go on horse-buying expeditions to Europe spending $100,000 on a single horse? I imagine other things she might have: a room dedicated to thousands of crystal horse figurines, a 500 thread count horse sheet set, hoof-shaped diamond encrusted coasters for dinner parties. Ann, it’s time to start new hobbies. Maybe something that will make you more relatable to the average woman? Just a thought.
OMG you guys. Santorum just DROPPED OUT OF THE RACE!!!!#@!@!!!!
I mean, I like totally knew that he would, I totally said like months ago that Romney was a sure thing. Like INEVITABLE right??/? I mean it’s like asking Q: is Katy Perry like THE GREATEST singer-songwriter of our generation?!? A: YES. OBVI!!!! and Romney is GONNA be the GOP candidate. DUH.
But ummmmmm … Newt Gingrich.
You guys. YOU GUYS. Thisisthemostawkwardthingever. How do I explain this… You know Mark Tumpkind? That annoying dorky kid who always wears XXL Family Guy T-shirts (even though he’s like an XS) and talks about robots and aliens and stuff? You know how he SOMEHOW THINKS that VERONICA, the MOST POPULAR GIRL IN THE 8TH GRADE will go out with HIM, and he’s always saying things like, “There are two people trying to win Veronica’s heart, a true man and Greg Burke?” Except that Greg Burke is captain of the football team and basically already Veronica’s BF while Tumpkind snorts milk through his nose at lunch?
THAT’S NEWT GINGRICH. He ACTUALLY thinks he’s gonna win. Like ACTUALLY ACTUALLY. Just like TUMPKIND actually actually thinks Veronica will go out with him. It’s so awkward I can’t even be in a room with him. Why haven’t his friends told him that there’s no hope and he’s embarrassing himself? I’m embarrassed just talking about it. It’s actually like, really really sad.
Maybe someday Tumpkind will have a hot, popular girlfriend, I mean, we’re only in 7th grade, things could change.
But Newt Gingrich? President? ROFLMAO!!!@!@!!! OMG I think i’m gonna die LOLing. loloolololololololol. SIGH. Does your Dad hate Obama? … Ya mine too. Wanna get coldstone?
The latest news in the Trayvon Martin case is that a drug lab was run on his body, while his shooter remains untested for any alcohol in his system.
It’s all just depressing. A few weeks ago I found myself sitting in my living room watching ABC News and I burst into tears: school shootings, crimes against humanity in Syria, Santorum’s hate speech against gays, female reproductive rights becoming something from a Margaret Atwood novel. People don’t know what’s going on in the world because the news is too depressing.
My friend, Kate, and I have started playing a game when we watch the news called “Oh, looks like Todd is running the news now” because if I ran the news there would be more stories about puppies or cute boys or musicals or muppets or “The Hunger Games.”
You play the game by watching the news and taking a photo of actual news screen shots that would play if I ran the news. Here are some examples.
This was the lead story one night on NBC. Dognapping! It’s sad and it’s scary… but super adorable! If I ran the news…
Ooooooo…. Steamy! Who cares about what Romney did in blah, blah, blah or Obama’s stance on blah, blah, blah. I want to know the secrets of male escorts! If I ran the news…
Ok, this was from some boring story about Goldman Sachs, an investment bank or real estate or… I don’t know. I didn’t follow the story, but they did use a picture of the muppets so I paid attention. If I ran the news…
Now, these I didn’t photograph, but I support the newsmakers who decided to run the stories!
The murder of young man is heartbreaking, but a “Pizza Murder” is news I’d like to see!
And why stop at TV news?
I don’t care about the number of voters voting in the primaries. Here’s a number I like: 101. Like the 101 grandmother who set a paragliding record. And I like that the headline has the word “Wheee!” If I ran the news…
Yes, if I ran the news, you’d see more stories like these.
Instead the news just gives us… stories like these.
Oh, maybe I don’t need to make the news more user-friendly. They’re doing that for us…