June 16, 2012

Todd Dakotah Briscoe

Father’s Day is just around the corner and most stores are offering massive sales on ties, golf balls, useless tech gadgets, and meat boxes.  Lots of meat boxes. 

In honor of Father’s Day and Dads/Daddies around this great nation, I can’t think of a better way to show those men who have raised us just how much we love and support them with a list of hot, older men that we’d like to…. Well, the term is “DILFS.” 

Mitt Romney - DING DONG.  “Oh, hello, Mr. Romney.  I just wanted to know if you’ve heard the good news about Jesus Christ?  You have?  Well, maybe if you invite me in I can tell you more.  Hey, nice place.  Are those your 15 cars in the driveway?  I’d love to take a spin in them sometime.  Say, is it true that Mormons were a special kind of underwear?  What do you mean I should see for myself?” 

Levi Johnston-  “Hey, Levi.  Wanna go play some hockey?  Maybe make some moose jerky?  Yes,  I see that you do have a big hockey stick.  Yes, I think we all want the puck in the net, that’s the object of the game.  What’s going… what are you… Look, you don’t have to do this.  We all know you recently filed for bankruptcy.  You DON’T have to do this.  Here’s 5 bucks.  Why are you crying?”

John Edwards- “Mr. Edwards.  I saw you flirting with me in the court house.  Winking?  You sure are brazen, Mr. Edwards.  I’m a jury member!  Aren’t you scared that this will get you in trouble?  Do you think you’re bigger than the law?  Oh, you know that you’re bigger than the law?  Would I like to find out how MUCH bigger?  Hey, why is your daughter crying?”

Michael Lohan- “Mr. Lohan, thank you for taking time to let me audition. I hear that your daughter’s just been cast in a movie with a porn star and she’ll be appearing full-frontal.  How do you feel about that?  Oh, you helped negotiate it? Well, lots of starlets also let their dads become famous like… Carey Mulligan, no… Jennifer Lawrence, no… well, I can’t think of any others, but… why are you crying?  You know what? I feel uncomfortable.  I’m just going to…”

Kirk Cameron- “Gee, Mr. Cameron, think I could talk to you for a minute?  I’ve just been having some weird feelings lately.  You see, when I look at boys, I look at them differently than I look at girls.  I’m really worried that I might be gay!  Pray about it?  Oh, all I have to do is pray about it and Jesus will fix it?  Thanks, Mr. Cameron!  I tried that, but I guess I didn’t try hard enough?  Sure I’d love to play a game.  Acting game?  Sounds fun.  You’ll play Mike Seaver, ok.  And I play who?  Boner?  Who the hell is Boner?  His name was really Boner?  Ok, how do we play Left Behind?  You grab my left ass cheek?  That’s it?”

John Travolta- “Mr. Travolta, let me see if another masseuse is available.”

The Cast of Magic Mike- Ok, so maybe they’re not fathers yet, but I’m hoping if I type “Magic Mike Naked Photos” enough times, lots of people will find this blog. Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos Magic Mike Naked Photos

Happy Father’s Day from Political Subversities!