Amnesty International just released their yearly country-by-country report on government executions and after reading it, quite frankly, I am disgusted to be an American.
On the list of countries that execute the largest number of their citizens, we’re in 5th place. FIFTH. We should be number ONE. You know what color medal the person in fifth place gets? A failure colored medal, that’s what color. WE ARE LOSING THE INTERNATIONAL EXECUTION RACE. And guess who’s winning: CHINA. Just like they’re winning at everything. Smart kids? CHINA. Manufacturing? CHINA. Executions? CHINA! And Amnesty International thinks they probably carried out a bunch more executions that they just didn’t bother to report! Cocky bastards.
Sure, we’re beating Yemen, we’re beating Somalia, we’re beating North Korea, but those are bullshit little countries that probably just can’t afford to be killing off what few citizens haven’t died of curable diseases, hunger, and pirates.
You know who else we’re losing to? Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Iran. JUST EMBARASSING. Sure, we could try to claim that Iraq is following in our footsteps: establish representative government, have those representatives kill people on our behalf, etc etc, but deep down we know they’re just better at it than we are. Maybe it’s all the oil over there? That could also explain why Texas is so darn good at executing people (30% of our executions happen in the Lone Star State. Good work Texas!).
Look. It’s not hopeless. We ARE good at this. SO GOOD in fact, that all the other Western countries have given up on executing people. LOSERS! The playing field is tighter than it’s ever been, down 10% to just 20 countries who carried out executions last year, but the total number of world wide executions rose 28%, so now that we’ve separated the men from the men-who-don’t-want-to-kill-other-men, the game is really afoot.
Can we keep up? A healthy 34 U.S. States have the death penalty, but only 78 prisoners received death sentences last year. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t pay my taxes every year for them to get used on not-killing my fellow countrymen. We need to step up our game in 2012. This is our year. Call your Congressman! Let’s put some Americans to death!